The Fine Line

A little over 2 years ago I became a stepmother.  I knew it would be a challenge for me, but I had no idea how big.  This wonderful man came into my life, again for the second time, swept me off my feet and I said, without hesitation, "I do". 

After a couple of months I was introduced to his kids, his teenage daughter and his 10 year old son.  I expected resistance from them, especially his daughter, but again, I didn't know the challenges that laid ahead of me.  But his son was hardly resistant.  He took to me pretty quickly and we became buddies, mainly because of our love of music.  We would have trivia contests with each other, trying to out do the other with our vast knowledge of our mutual passion.  His daughter, on the other hand, wanted no part of me.  She ignored me with all of her will and defiance.  It became quite clear that I was a threat to her.  A threat of replacing her mother, which would never happen, and a threat to her undivided attention from her father.  I was the "other woman".  But I didn't give up.  I practiced patience.  Lots of patience.  I tried to demonstrate to her, and even told her, that I only want to be her friend.  Nothing more.  I even explained to her that I knew how she felt.  I, too, was a stepdaughter for most of my childhood.  But the big difference between me and my stepmother, is that I was nice and would not fall into the mean stepmother stereotype.  I would not dismiss her or berate her mother in her presence.  Never.  I understood that pain all too well.  I thought about how my stepmother treated me and vowed to myself that if I ever became a stepmother that I would NOT become like her.  Never!

Then one day it all changed.  Suddenly his daughter liked me, and even told me so.  I did it!  I broke through the wall.  My husband-to-be was at work and his kids were spending part of their Christmas vacation with him.  I was out of work, so I had the time to spend with them and we would hang out at the mall and run errands together.  While driving around one day we were talking about nothing of great importance and his daughter was nice to me.  Interested in what I had to say, laughed at my jokes and just had a plain ol' good time together.  It was a breakthrough for me.  I didn't expect it to happen as quickly as it did, but I was elated and relieved.  Things were getting good!